Day 8: “You should really do something about your weight.”

My husband and I haven’t seen family much this year.  Not sure why – everyone is just going in a million different directions.  So when his brother needed to borrow a tool, my husband asked if I’d like to go along with him to deliver it.  I said, sure! I haven’t seen him in a long time! Let’s just call my husband’s brother Joe.

We arrived at his new home (he has just moved to a nice big home this summer with his wife and kids) while Joe and another of my husband’s brothers was there.  Both brothers has lost a ton of weight since I’d seen them last.  They looked great.  They were in the middle of painting the bathroom.

So Joe took a break and sat with us outside. He offered us some fruit salad, which I turned down.  When he persisted, saying “It’s good for you!” I had to say, “I’m on my protein day of the Lindora program I’m on, so I can’t have that right now.” (Again, it’s impossible to do this secretly.) After sitting for a bit and chitchatting, Joe looked at me and asked, “So just how much weight have you gained since your wedding?” (We just got married last December.)  I looked at him in surprise.  “How much do you think I’ve gained?” I asked.  He said, “Looks like 20 lbs.”  I was shocked – I’ve gained about 10. So we talked about exercise and how he’s lost about 25 lbs this summer and he talked lots of “you shoulds” to both my husband and me.

As we were leaving, he and I were alone for a moment and he says to me, “Jen, you should really do something about your weight. Just stand in front of the mirror, get naked and really look at yourself. Get motivated. We’re all getting older and we need to take better care of ourselves. And get my brother to work on it, too.”

Words spoken in love. Truly I believe that.  But I was so bummed afterward just the same.  It made me think, “What’s the point? I must really look disgusting and I didn’t realize how bad I’d gotten. How can my husband stand me?”  It made me want to eat! It was so weird.  Basically, his words didn’t help. Not one bit. I know I need to lose weight.  Having someone tell me who hasn’t seen me for a while is discouraging and depressing.

It made me want to quit.  And I thought of this blog.  And the one friend I’ve told about it. And how silly it would be to quit after just one week and the comments of one brother-in-law.  I told my husband how his brothers words bothered me. My husband said, “You know he loves you and he’s just trying to help.” Something like that.

So, I had a successful protein day anyway.  And we had El Pollo Loco again for dinner and I had a chicken breast with the skin removed.  It was like ambrosia, it was so good. We bought an extra chicken because they have the $4 for the 2nd chicken deal so I can eat on it for a couple of days.

While we were eating our chicken, I was telling  my husband about when I had met with Georgene at the Lindora clinic, she had asked me if I eat out a lot.  I had told her we eat out almost every day.  She asked what I chose to eat?  I told her, anything I want to. In other words, I didn’t make healthy choices.   So my husband wisely says,”So now you’re still eating whatever you want. You’re just wanting different things with a different result at the end.”  Yeah! He’s so smart.  Just love it when he makes sense, which is most of the time. : )

Exercise for today:  55 minutes on the treadmill, 5 minutes on the elliptical.

Food for today:

  • 9:30am 1 c skim milk (12), 2 chewable vitamins (3)
  • 12:00pm Zone Perfect bar, blueberry (13)
  • 2:30pm 2.5 oz roasted chicken (o) with mustard (0)
  • 4:30pm Lindora Chocolate Chocolate bar (13)
  • 8:00pm El Pollo Loco chicken breast with skin removed (0)
  • TOTAL:  41

Day 7: It’s No Secret

Today, Day 6 of my Lindora Lean for Life program, it occurred to me during our  Halloween party at work (a week early due to busy schedules) as everyone chowed down on the best pizza in the world as I chomped on my Romain, celery, cucumber and turkey – it’s impossible to quietly conduct a scientific experiment on my body (I’m trying really hard not to call it a diet).  It’s no secret.  It’s extremely public.  They already know I’ve been eating differently this week as we usually all order in. One asked me, “Aren’t you going to join us for pizza?” Another asked, “Can’t you have a cheat day?”  “Nope – not yet,” I reply. “Falling off the program this early on would mess up my head.”  But it felt weird, and anti-social, and martyr-like.  BUT, it was casual day at work so I had worn my one pair of jeans that fit me the best.  They were already loose!  What a fantastic feeling!!!  Worth skipping the pizza.

Exercise for the day… I purposely skipped the gym this morning as that deep down tired feeling that precedes sickness hit me late last night.

Food for today:

  • 7:30am 3/4 c. cheerios (12), 1 c skim milk (12), coffee, 2 chewable vitamins (3)
  • No snack!
  • 1:00pm 2.5 oz. roast turkey (0), 2 c lettuce (3), 1/2 c celery (3), 1/2 c cucumber (1.5), 1 T. Kraft Free Zesty Italian dressing (3), Orange (14), Diet Pepsi
  • 2:45pm Zone Perfect bar – blueberry flavored – GOOD! (13)
  • 6:30pm Lindora BBQ Soy Puffs (8)
  • 8:00pm WENT OFF PROGRAM:  Went to family’s restaurant “The Ranch” with my husband.  I didn’t have what I usually do (which is a bowl or two of chips with salsa with 2 hard shell beef tacos, rice, beans, Diet Pepsi followed by Orange Bang). Instead, I had the Carne Asada plate. I ate about a quarter of the Carne Asada (aka beef round), half the beans, all the rice, onions, cilantro, guacamole and 3 tortillas.  It was sooooo good but I didn’t feel like a pig whatsoever.  Rationalization or not, I told my husband I’d like to go out with him each Friday night at the end of my week, before my protein day, and have a normal restaurant meal where I make smarter choices – not just have whatever I want. I’ve got to think of the LONG term – not only the year or so it’s going to take me to lose 80 lbs., but how I’m going to keep it off afterwards. He’s so supportive.
  • TOTAL:  unknown

Days 5-6: Getting Harder

A 14-hour day yesterday full of urgent deadlines and can’t-put-off-until-tomorrow projects made it hard to remember to eat my snacks/meals until I was famished. Then I’d eat my salad and cold chicken and apple, wishing I had a nice big meal including large amounts of warm bread – my comfort food.  If I remember to eat before I get crazy hungry, then I’m much more satisfied with my food. The folks at Lindora know what they are doing.  There is a method to the madness. Got home at 9pm cranky and snappish because I hadn’t expected to be at work that long and I hadn’t taken my dinner food. I’d eaten a Zone bar instead.

Add to that I tweaked the heck out of my back on the treadmill yesterday morning – right smack dab in the middle. Being busy with underlying pain that you’re not sure is going to worse on top of a seemingly insurmountable work load – if someone talked carelessly to me I would’ve cried. And it was depressing to realize how easily it is to get hurt, being as heavy as I am.

But, as my wonderful husband said this morning, as I lay on the sofa at 5:15am, not wanting to go to the gym because my eyes burned from being tired and my back hurt, “You’ve just got to push through it.”  I was about to cry with self-pity; a few tears fell. Then he said, “Just go back to bed.  You don’t have to go all out at the beginning.” I headed to our bedroom and decided to put on my tennies and just go.  Something weird about being told I can quit.  It somehow inspires me not to.

The 30-minute treadmill workout this morning felt GREAT.  I thanked God and my husband that I just went to the gym despite the way I felt. It lifted my spirits and made me feel powerful.

Food from yesterday, October 21:

  • 7:30am 3/4 c. cheerios (12), 1 c skim milk (12), coffee
  • 10:30am Lindora Chocolate Chocolate Bar (13)
  • 12:15pm 2.5 oz. Sirloin (0), 2 c lettuce (3), 1/2 c celery (3), 1/2 c cucumber (1.5), 1 T. Kraft Free Zesty Italian dressing (3), Apple (17), Diet Pepsi, 2 chewable vitamins (3)
  • 3:30pm Lindora BBQ Soy Puffs (8)
  • 6:30pm Zone bar (13)
  • 9:30pm Lindora Wildberry Passion protein drink (3)
  • TOTAL:  91

Today’s food:

  • 7:30am 3/4 c. cheerios (12), 1 c skim milk (12), coffee, 2 chewable vitamins (3)
  • 10:30am Lindora Chocolate Chocolate Bar (13)
  • 2:00pm  2.5 oz roasted chicken (o) with mustard (0), 2 c lettuce (3), 1/2 c celery (3), 1/4 c carrots (4), 1 T. Kraft Free Zesty Italian dressing (3), apple (17), Diet Pepsi
  • 6:00pm Lindora Chocolate Chocolate Pudding (7)
  • 8:00pm  El Pollo Loco meal approved by Lindora:  Chicken (0), salad (3) with fat free dressing
  • TOTAL: 80