Day 8: “You should really do something about your weight.”

My husband and I haven’t seen family much this year.  Not sure why – everyone is just going in a million different directions.  So when his brother needed to borrow a tool, my husband asked if I’d like to go along with him to deliver it.  I said, sure! I haven’t seen him in a long time! Let’s just call my husband’s brother Joe.

We arrived at his new home (he has just moved to a nice big home this summer with his wife and kids) while Joe and another of my husband’s brothers was there.  Both brothers has lost a ton of weight since I’d seen them last.  They looked great.  They were in the middle of painting the bathroom.

So Joe took a break and sat with us outside. He offered us some fruit salad, which I turned down.  When he persisted, saying “It’s good for you!” I had to say, “I’m on my protein day of the Lindora program I’m on, so I can’t have that right now.” (Again, it’s impossible to do this secretly.) After sitting for a bit and chitchatting, Joe looked at me and asked, “So just how much weight have you gained since your wedding?” (We just got married last December.)  I looked at him in surprise.  “How much do you think I’ve gained?” I asked.  He said, “Looks like 20 lbs.”  I was shocked – I’ve gained about 10. So we talked about exercise and how he’s lost about 25 lbs this summer and he talked lots of “you shoulds” to both my husband and me.

As we were leaving, he and I were alone for a moment and he says to me, “Jen, you should really do something about your weight. Just stand in front of the mirror, get naked and really look at yourself. Get motivated. We’re all getting older and we need to take better care of ourselves. And get my brother to work on it, too.”

Words spoken in love. Truly I believe that.  But I was so bummed afterward just the same.  It made me think, “What’s the point? I must really look disgusting and I didn’t realize how bad I’d gotten. How can my husband stand me?”  It made me want to eat! It was so weird.  Basically, his words didn’t help. Not one bit. I know I need to lose weight.  Having someone tell me who hasn’t seen me for a while is discouraging and depressing.

It made me want to quit.  And I thought of this blog.  And the one friend I’ve told about it. And how silly it would be to quit after just one week and the comments of one brother-in-law.  I told my husband how his brothers words bothered me. My husband said, “You know he loves you and he’s just trying to help.” Something like that.

So, I had a successful protein day anyway.  And we had El Pollo Loco again for dinner and I had a chicken breast with the skin removed.  It was like ambrosia, it was so good. We bought an extra chicken because they have the $4 for the 2nd chicken deal so I can eat on it for a couple of days.

While we were eating our chicken, I was telling  my husband about when I had met with Georgene at the Lindora clinic, she had asked me if I eat out a lot.  I had told her we eat out almost every day.  She asked what I chose to eat?  I told her, anything I want to. In other words, I didn’t make healthy choices.   So my husband wisely says,”So now you’re still eating whatever you want. You’re just wanting different things with a different result at the end.”  Yeah! He’s so smart.  Just love it when he makes sense, which is most of the time. : )

Exercise for today:  55 minutes on the treadmill, 5 minutes on the elliptical.

Food for today:

  • 9:30am 1 c skim milk (12), 2 chewable vitamins (3)
  • 12:00pm Zone Perfect bar, blueberry (13)
  • 2:30pm 2.5 oz roasted chicken (o) with mustard (0)
  • 4:30pm Lindora Chocolate Chocolate bar (13)
  • 8:00pm El Pollo Loco chicken breast with skin removed (0)
  • TOTAL:  41

Day 7: It’s No Secret

Today, Day 6 of my Lindora Lean for Life program, it occurred to me during our  Halloween party at work (a week early due to busy schedules) as everyone chowed down on the best pizza in the world as I chomped on my Romain, celery, cucumber and turkey – it’s impossible to quietly conduct a scientific experiment on my body (I’m trying really hard not to call it a diet).  It’s no secret.  It’s extremely public.  They already know I’ve been eating differently this week as we usually all order in. One asked me, “Aren’t you going to join us for pizza?” Another asked, “Can’t you have a cheat day?”  “Nope – not yet,” I reply. “Falling off the program this early on would mess up my head.”  But it felt weird, and anti-social, and martyr-like.  BUT, it was casual day at work so I had worn my one pair of jeans that fit me the best.  They were already loose!  What a fantastic feeling!!!  Worth skipping the pizza.

Exercise for the day… I purposely skipped the gym this morning as that deep down tired feeling that precedes sickness hit me late last night.

Food for today:

  • 7:30am 3/4 c. cheerios (12), 1 c skim milk (12), coffee, 2 chewable vitamins (3)
  • No snack!
  • 1:00pm 2.5 oz. roast turkey (0), 2 c lettuce (3), 1/2 c celery (3), 1/2 c cucumber (1.5), 1 T. Kraft Free Zesty Italian dressing (3), Orange (14), Diet Pepsi
  • 2:45pm Zone Perfect bar – blueberry flavored – GOOD! (13)
  • 6:30pm Lindora BBQ Soy Puffs (8)
  • 8:00pm WENT OFF PROGRAM:  Went to family’s restaurant “The Ranch” with my husband.  I didn’t have what I usually do (which is a bowl or two of chips with salsa with 2 hard shell beef tacos, rice, beans, Diet Pepsi followed by Orange Bang). Instead, I had the Carne Asada plate. I ate about a quarter of the Carne Asada (aka beef round), half the beans, all the rice, onions, cilantro, guacamole and 3 tortillas.  It was sooooo good but I didn’t feel like a pig whatsoever.  Rationalization or not, I told my husband I’d like to go out with him each Friday night at the end of my week, before my protein day, and have a normal restaurant meal where I make smarter choices – not just have whatever I want. I’ve got to think of the LONG term – not only the year or so it’s going to take me to lose 80 lbs., but how I’m going to keep it off afterwards. He’s so supportive.
  • TOTAL:  unknown

Days 5-6: Getting Harder

A 14-hour day yesterday full of urgent deadlines and can’t-put-off-until-tomorrow projects made it hard to remember to eat my snacks/meals until I was famished. Then I’d eat my salad and cold chicken and apple, wishing I had a nice big meal including large amounts of warm bread – my comfort food.  If I remember to eat before I get crazy hungry, then I’m much more satisfied with my food. The folks at Lindora know what they are doing.  There is a method to the madness. Got home at 9pm cranky and snappish because I hadn’t expected to be at work that long and I hadn’t taken my dinner food. I’d eaten a Zone bar instead.

Add to that I tweaked the heck out of my back on the treadmill yesterday morning – right smack dab in the middle. Being busy with underlying pain that you’re not sure is going to worse on top of a seemingly insurmountable work load – if someone talked carelessly to me I would’ve cried. And it was depressing to realize how easily it is to get hurt, being as heavy as I am.

But, as my wonderful husband said this morning, as I lay on the sofa at 5:15am, not wanting to go to the gym because my eyes burned from being tired and my back hurt, “You’ve just got to push through it.”  I was about to cry with self-pity; a few tears fell. Then he said, “Just go back to bed.  You don’t have to go all out at the beginning.” I headed to our bedroom and decided to put on my tennies and just go.  Something weird about being told I can quit.  It somehow inspires me not to.

The 30-minute treadmill workout this morning felt GREAT.  I thanked God and my husband that I just went to the gym despite the way I felt. It lifted my spirits and made me feel powerful.

Food from yesterday, October 21:

  • 7:30am 3/4 c. cheerios (12), 1 c skim milk (12), coffee
  • 10:30am Lindora Chocolate Chocolate Bar (13)
  • 12:15pm 2.5 oz. Sirloin (0), 2 c lettuce (3), 1/2 c celery (3), 1/2 c cucumber (1.5), 1 T. Kraft Free Zesty Italian dressing (3), Apple (17), Diet Pepsi, 2 chewable vitamins (3)
  • 3:30pm Lindora BBQ Soy Puffs (8)
  • 6:30pm Zone bar (13)
  • 9:30pm Lindora Wildberry Passion protein drink (3)
  • TOTAL:  91

Today’s food:

  • 7:30am 3/4 c. cheerios (12), 1 c skim milk (12), coffee, 2 chewable vitamins (3)
  • 10:30am Lindora Chocolate Chocolate Bar (13)
  • 2:00pm  2.5 oz roasted chicken (o) with mustard (0), 2 c lettuce (3), 1/2 c celery (3), 1/4 c carrots (4), 1 T. Kraft Free Zesty Italian dressing (3), apple (17), Diet Pepsi
  • 6:00pm Lindora Chocolate Chocolate Pudding (7)
  • 8:00pm  El Pollo Loco meal approved by Lindora:  Chicken (0), salad (3) with fat free dressing
  • TOTAL: 80

Day 4: Real Food

Finished the first 3-days of protein only (part of the Lindora program to jumpstart weight loss). So today, it was on to normal food.  Amazing how satisfying vegetables and fruit are after just eating protein and protein snacks for 3 days. It was the usual crazy busy at work so I’d get hungry but not have time to eat… missed afternoon snack but wasn’t hungry (supposed to eat anyway to keep metabolism going!)

Made it to the gym at 5:45am and walked 35 minutes on the treadmill – but forgot my work clothes at home so my fantastic husband brought them to the gym for me. Love him.  I tell you, it just made me smile thinking about how supportive and wonderful he is… until my mind became occupied by the drudgery of work. Just long long long days the last few months. It’s exhausting mentally, sometimes exhausting physically (being on a computer all day messes with my shoulder especially), and it’s sometimes exhausting emotionally.  Lots of pressure – different pressure than I’ve every experienced at a job. There are unspoken expectations and lots of balls thrown at you with very little direction or definitive decisions behind them.  And if you try to run with it on your own, take initiative, it’s BAM, slap on the hand. Just not a good fit for me, and I won’t be there for years. That’s part of the eating issue – I eat to cope, eat to search for energy, eat to stave off headaches.  I am so busy there are many days I would buy every single meal – order in for lunch, go to the drive-through after work.  Costs a fortune and costs me my health.  So this is my first week of bringing in all my food, prepared at home.  It’s so nice to not have to decide what I feel like eating that will most make me happy or most distract me from my situation.  Instead, I have limited choices and it’s oddly liberating. And everything tastes better.

  • 7:30am  3/4 c cheerios (12) and 1 c skim milk (12) (half of the milk went into my coffee; added a touch of Splenda and it was just right); drank a bottle of water after the gym
  • 10:30am Lindora Chocolate Chocolate Bar (13) and a bottle of water with Crystal Light Iced Tea flavor
  • 1:45pm 2.5 oz. roasted chicken (o) on 2 c Romaine lettuce (3), 1/2 c. cucumber (1.5), 1/4 c. carrots (4) with 1 T. Kraft Free Zesty Italian dressing (3); 2 chewable vitamins (3); 1 apple (17); Diet Pepsi
  • Missed afternoon snack; drank another bottle of water with Crystal Light Iced Tea flavor
  • 7:30pm  1 c. tortilla soup (chicken, broth, onions, tomatoes) (3); 2 c Romaine lettuce (3); 1/4 t. Newman’s Own Light Vinaigrette (3); 1/4 c celery (2); 1/2 banana (13); Diet Dr. Pepper
  • Not going to have an evening snack as I ate late and my total carb count is up there! Need to stay under 100 but when I did this before, I stayed between 60 and 80 carbs a day and weight came off regularly.  Gotta be careful…
  • TOTAL:  92 carbs

Wishing I had synced my home scale with the one at Lindora.  I have no idea how I’m doing since starting Saturday.  My period is due to start tomorrow so I may be holding on to lots of water right now.  Cool thing is – I remember it’s a big bump in weight loss after the period is over. : )

By the way – starting on Saturday was a GREAT idea.  I was able to detox from all that sugar and fat at home without the pressures of work to make it worse. By Monday I was in my stride.

Day 3: New routine

Monday morning… Kept waking up early as I was worried I would sleep through my 5am alarm.  First day of going to the gym before work.  Last night I prepared my food ahead of time, packed my gym bag with all my morning toiletries, and chose my work clothes.

I arrived at the gym at 5:45am. It’s a small community gym – not one of the big fancy chains.  It was nice and quiet with no one in the recently remodeled locker room.  I had a pleasant 30 minute walk on the treadmill, all the while reminding myself not to push it as I have just started exercising again.  My lower back was sore from walking the dogs the night before – the last thing I need is to mess up my back.  When you have a large gut and a larger behind, the lower back takes a beating.  Tired of that feeling. Also tackled the elliptical machine – 5 minutes was enough my first time on it.

Tonight I told a good friend about my new blog and the purpose for it.  She was very supportive and said it’s like having a Overeater’s Anonymous sponsor.  So, dear blog, you are my sponsor.

Here’s my food for the day.

  • 5:15am  1 c skim milk (12) and 1 T. sugarless Benefiber (4)
  • 7:30am  Lindora Oatmeal Raisin Protein Bar (13) with coffee (black)
  • 10:30am  3.5 oz. Roast Chicken Breast (0), deli sliced with mustard (just realized I was supposed to eat just 2.5 oz) with a bottle of water flavored by Crystal Light On the Go iced tea
  • 1:30pm 1 c chicken soup (mostly broth) (0) with another bottle of water flavored by Crystal Light
  • 1:30pm Chewable Vitamins (3)
  • 4:30pm BBQ Soy Puffs (8) with a Diet Pepsi
  • 7:30pm 1/2 c. Plain Fat Free Dannon Yogurt (11)
  • 9:30pm Lindora Chocolate Chocolate Pudding (7)
  • TOTAL: 58 carbs

Day 2: Feeling Groovy

I’m on Day 2 of the Lindora Lean for Life program and feeling groovy.  Had a great night’s sleep and am preparing meals for this week.  I have the tortilla soup prepared last night (minus the tortillas, of course) and am making chicken stew which my husband and nephew will enjoy thoroughly.  I also making them ground beef tacos for dinner today.  I love this stage of the program where I feel not a twinge of longing for those tacos as my motivation is at its highest.

Here’s my food for the day:

  • 6am   1 c Skim Milk (12) (Woke up ravenously hungry so got up to drink the milk, then promptly when back to bed and slept until 9:30am! Missed church though.)
  • 10am  Lindora Oatmeal Raisin Protein Bar (13) with coffee (black)  (This bar really helps the black coffee taste better.  Before, I always added cream and sugar to my coffee.)
  • 1pm  3.5 oz. Roast Chicken Breast (0), deli sliced with mustard (Rolled up like a taquito – super yummy – bought it ready-to-eat from Costco) with a bottle of water flavored by Crystal Light On the Go fruit punch – soooo good!
  • 1pm Chewable Vitamins (3)
  • 2:30 1/2 c. Dannon Fat Free Yogurt (11)
  • 4:30pm BBQ Soy Puffs (8) with a Diet Dr. Pepper – ate while my family had my ground beef tacos
  • 6pm 2.5 oz. Top Sirloin (0)
  • 6:15pm 30-minute walk with my nephew and the dogs
  • 8:30pm Lindora Chocoloate Chocolate Pudding (7) – Excellent – especially since my nephew made brownies tonight!
  • TOTAL: 52

free-crystal-light-on-the-go

“I have eyes. I can see, you know.”

These were the  simple, gently delivered words spoken by my husband that finally threw me over the edge, propelling me into action. It was time. I just turned 40 in September. We got married last December – after being together for 12 years. Life is fantastic. I needed to do something about my weight.

Why create a blog about it?  #1 reason:  accountability.  Whether anyone reads this blog or not, it’s OUT THERE.  The successes and failures are ahead of me. Making them public to strangers is hopefully going to be much more effective than having my friends and husband try to encourage me or keep me in line.  Input from loved ones – no matter how gentle or constructive – is too personal. It’s too easy to get hurt feelings, too hard not to get offended.

How am I going to do it?  Lindora and their Lean for Life program.

I have tried many programs and by far, I have had the most successful weight loss with Lindora. In 2002 I was at 206 lbs. I lost 38 lbs in during their 3-month Phase 1 program. My doctor was impressed and asked me how I did it.  I gave Lindora all the credit and explained how I would have to go in every day to get weighed and have someone look at what I had eaten that day.  His comment was, “So they held you accountable?”  That was precisely it.  When the 3 month program ended, my boyfriend – now husband – said, “If accountability is all you need, I can help you with that!”  So I chose not to go for a second round of Lindora’s program and to go at it on my own.  I lost another 10 lbs until I hurt my back – get this – picking up an empty laundry basket.  So I stopped exercising for a few weeks and gradually stopped being careful about what I ate. And during that time, no matter what he said or how he said it, I didn’t appreciate any comments from my boyfriend about my progress or lack thereof.  So having the person closest to you in the world also acting as your coach?  Terrible idea.

So here it is, October 17, 2009.  I can give you all kinds of reasons and excuses for “letting myself go,” but it’s time to get over that and move forward.  I am now 219 lbs.  I am 5’1″.  I received a mailer this week from Lindora.  They are giving away 4 WEEKS FOR FREE!  The program is costly for most people but for me, that was part of the motivation. Back in 2002, knowing that this huge chunk of change was being put out for me to be successful was a compelling reason to stay on track.  So I made an appointment for a consultation on Thursday. The 4 weeks free offer is basically 33% off the program – a better offer than most insurance programs where you can get 20% off. Cost would be $933.15 (regular price $1,331.15).  I was extremely excited and ready to roll.

But my husband is so reasonable and full of common sense.  He also handles our finances and gave me a proposal:  the offer from Lindora is good through the end of the month.  That’s 2 weeks from now.  He said if I can do the program on my own during those 2 weeks, then I can join their clinical program. Great idea.

Having been through the program before, I am well-acquainted with all of the details and as I prepared for it yesterday and today, I realized the only thing missing from the equation was Accountability. Thus, the blog.

Lindora’s program starts with a 3 days of protein only.  This kick starts the weight loss big time.  I remember losing 6 pounds the first few days.

Today was Day 1.  Blog readers, if such a miracle is possible that someone should read this, here is my daily diary of exercise and food.  I am reporting it so, should my resolve falter, I will remember that I will need to publish my choices to the world. (Carbs noted in parentheses)

8:30am  2 egg whites (1)
9:30am GYM:   35 min treadmill, 10 min stationary bike
10:30am  Zone Perfect bar (13 usable carbs)
12:30pm  Top Sirloin 3.5oz (0), Diet Squirt (0), Chewable Adult Multivitamin (3)
2:30pm  Lindora BBQ Soy Puffs (8), Diet Dr. Pepper (0)
5:30pm 1/2 cup fat free Yogurt (Dannon Light & Fit) (11) and 1 T. Metamucil (12!) bought the wrong kind! grrr…. Need to buy sugarless – which I think has about 5 gr carbs)
8:30pm Tortilla soup (chicken with broth), 1 cup (approx 5 for the onions in it; not supposed to eat onions on 1st 3 days but a few won’t kill me)

Total: 53 carbs

I’m headachey and tired – not just from the first day of only protein and the first day of exercise, but it was a long day of grocery shopping at Ralphs and Costco to prepare for the week ahead.  And it’s so great to discover that RiteAid carries Lindora products, so I was able to stock up on those as well at a store a few minutes from my house.  The BBQ Soy Puffs are new since I was last on the program 7 years ago. They are great!  Day 1 has ended a great success.