The tyranny of eating whatever you want.

Folly is an unruly woman;
she is simple and knows nothing.
She sits at the door of her house,
on a seat at the highest point of the city,
calling out to those who pass by,
who go straight on their way,
“Let all who are simple come to my house!”
To those who have no sense she says,
“Stolen water is sweet;
food eaten in secret is delicious!”
But little do they know that the dead are there,
that her guests are deep in the realm of the dead.
Proverbs 9:13-19 NIV

1. Lack of good sense; foolishness: “an act of sheer folly.”
2. A foolish act, idea, or practice: “the follies of youth.”

There’s a sort of giddy feeling that comes when I’ve given in to folly, not caring about what I eat, how I look, how I feel. It’s seductive, like the serpent was to Eve in the Garden of Eden. “Go ahead and eat it. It won’t hurt you.” Or, “Go ahead a stay there on the couch. You’ve had a hard day. You’re tired. You need the rest.”

It’s a false sort of freedom. It looks, tastes and feels like freedom, but then it becomes a prison. It’s the tyranny of eating whatever you want. It’s a freedom that leads to death. As the Proverb says above, “But little do they know that the dead are there.”

Gone is the nice clean feeling inside. Gone is the confidence in knowing I’m doing the right thing. Do I really stop and count the loss when I’ve given up on my goal? I am counting the cost right now. I am making a course adjustment before all of my efforts are lost.

My big sister gave me a great pep talk via email yesterday. She’s been losing weight with the help of Weight Watchers. Thought I’d share her wisdom here.

“I know it is hard to keep the focus, but giving up can’t be an option.  Just means figuring out emotionally where the walls are.  You are doing better than you think.  Remember where you used to be.

…I have really seen that I can’t do it just by eating less, or just by working out.  They really have to go together, which then makes it a life style.  I also watch Biggest Loser (Tues, 8pm) and that helps motivate me–seeing other people make excuses and what it sounds and looks like.  I am also having to break thru this next layer–my middle third–where my body wants to settle in.  But I am feeling SO MUCH better just for myself.  It is like getting out of debt, freeing.  I don’t feel so embarrassed everywhere I go.  You’ll figure it out.  Just don’t give up!  Keep picturing the things you will do when you are the goal size you want to be.  I’m trying to think, dream, of what those things are for myself.  I think getting my scooter was one of them.

Well, there’s my dissertation on that!  Just don’t give up, but don’t be hard on yourself either.  Be the boss of yourself, not a victim.  You are so much stronger than you know.  Who cares about the past, there are no choices left in it, but there are all the choices for the future.”

Time to go straight on my way, ignore the voice of folly, and listen to the voice of wisdom.