Baggy Pants are Big Fat Liars

I love this ad from Kaiser Permanente – Find Your Motivation. It’s hitting me right where I’m at right now.

I’m not sure where my steely resolve has gone. Last week, I ate perfectly on plan only one complete day. One day!

I kept sabotaging myself all week, eating off plan here and there, culminating into a classic blunder on Friday afternoon. There were two birthdays at work. Two different cakes. I had a small slice of both, but felt sick afterwards. It. Was. Not. Worth. It. BTW, I’m a major whiney-butt when I go off track. I bitch and moan and drive everyone crazy. Not a pretty sight.

I did make it to the gym 4 out of those 7 days, despite losing my workout partner temporarily—my husband—due to a bad cold. The workouts felt fantastic. And on Saturday, I played basketball with my nineteen-year-old nephew on leave from the Army. It was a total blast—something I could not have done a couple of months ago!

Friday morning I weighed in at Lindora. I was at the exact same weight I was eight days prior: 197 lbs. My PMA (positive mental attitude) was shouting—you didn’t gain! That’s good!  But the realistic, pessimist part of me whispered: you failed. Several times over, you failed. Why do you bother trying. You can’t do this.

So I’m trying to figure out what’s going on inside my head.

Maybe it’s my pants. My baggy, size 20 pants feel great, but they lie to me. They tell me I’ve arrived. That I’m smaller now. That I can relax. Sure, it’s great to remember that I used to fill those babies to capacity, but keeping them is giving me a false sense of victory and completion. It’s a great accomplishment to have dropped 28 lbs, but that’s only about 30% of the way toward my goal. It’s time to get rid of the baggy pants.

Losing weight is like being on a long journey. You get tired and take a break at a resting spot. It’s such a nice spot. You’ve come such a long way. But there’s so much further to go. You get tempted to stay there. Why keep going? This place isn’t so bad. It’s better than where I was. What if I can’t arrive at my final destination? I should just stay put.

It’s like the sirens in Homer’s Odyssey, luring sailors to the shoreline with beauty and song, only to try to shipwreck them on the rocks.

Losing weight is a serious mental game. It’s like being at war with yourself. And it is a war because when you really drill it down, it truly is a matter of life or death.

Do I choose health and life and physical activity? Or do I choose sickness and pain and the couch?

Duh. No brainer. Just lost my motivation for a tiny bit under the sofa.

(Note: I wrote this last weekend, but was a scaredy cat about posting it. I was dealing with feelings of failure, but didn’t want to expose it to ya’all. But isn’t that the whole point of having this blog? Sharing the achievements as well as the failures along this journey? So I’m sharing…)

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4 thoughts on “Baggy Pants are Big Fat Liars

  1. Pingback: The Land of the Fat Me: Why I Stayed There So Long « He Has Eyes

  2. Pingback: Like Climbing Dog Mountain « He Has Eyes

  3. I am SOO glad you shared this. It’s like a stenographer was in my head, capturing my thoughts – verbatim. I honor your courage. I need to get some, too.
    and I want to tell you, again, just how motivating you are for me. No presure. I understand that I have my own pesonal journey, but I feel like there is a divine reason as to why you “went first”..and I am grateful for the path you’re leaving..I needed something to follow. I need accountability (Weight Watchers) I need motivation (me) and I need “partners” (you and the other blogs I’ve learned about from reading yours…) I need. I need. I need…Interesting train of thought…I’m going to have to think about that a bit..wonder if there’s any correlation to my “neediness” and my desire to eat anything I want? –ok, that was scary for me to say..but I’m going to leave it here. I’m going to think about it..could be something…could not…but I guess its high-time I start considering the impact of my thoughts. The impact on my actions, or..non-action. Thanks, Jen! Keep on rockin’ it!

    • Wow, Y. I’m excited about your train of thought. Keep going in that direction. You’re on to something. : ) Please know you’re impacting me by your encouragement… and by allowing yourself to be impacted by me. It’s propelling me forward somehow. thank you!

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